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I ordered drug-laced vapes on Snapchat. It was as easy as picking up pizza - On a Warwickshire housing estate, a BBC journalist poses as a schoolgirl to meet the dealers.1 hour ago
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Online Library
Monday, June 20, 2011
Monday, June 6, 2011
Wasteful Older Generation
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Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Paraprosdokian Sentences
- I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
- Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
- I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
- Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
- The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
- Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
- If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
- We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
- War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
- Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
- The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
- Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
- A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
- How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
- Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
- I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
- A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
- Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".
- I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
- I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"
- Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
- Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
- Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?
- Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
- The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
- Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
- A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
- Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
- Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
- I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
- Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
- There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
Teenagers and Cats
1. Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name.
2. No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. Indeed, all humane efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of waiting on them hand and foot.
3. You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house with an adult human being, and it can be safely said that no teenager in his or her right mind wants to be seen in public with his or her parents.
4. Cats and teenagers can lie on the living-room sofa for hours on end without moving, barely breathing.
5. Cats have nine lives. Teenagers carry on as if they did.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Hypothetical Moral/Ethical Dilemma
1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect man (or) woman you have been dreaming about.
Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car.
Think before you continue reading.
This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.
You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back.
However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream lover again.
The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. I love this, I may actually use it sometime for an interview situation.
WHAT DID HE SAY?
He simply answered: ""I would give the car keys to my old friend, and let him take the lady to the hospital.
I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the woman of my dreams.""
Never forget to ""Think Outside of the Box."
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
15 Strange New Uses For VODKA!
Strange Robert Orben Quotes:
A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.
Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.
Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.
Every speaker has a mouth; An arrangement rather neat. Sometimes it's filled with wisdom. Sometimes it's filled with feet.
Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.
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15 Strange New Uses For VODKA!
1. To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate the bandage with vodka. The solvent dissolves adhesive.
2. To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers, fill a trigger-spray bottle with vodka, spray the caulking, let set five minutes and wash clean. The alcohol in the vodka kills mold and mildew.
3. To clean your eyeglasses, simply wipe the lenses with a soft, clean cloth dampened with vodka. The alcohol in the vodka cleans the glass and kills germs.
4. Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and letting your safety razor blade soak in the alcohol after shaving. The vodka disinfects the blade and prevents rusting.
5. Spray vodka on vomit stains, scrub with a brush, and then blot dry.
6. Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face as an astringent to cleanse the skin and tighten pores.
7. Add a jigger of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo. The alcohol cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from hair, and stimulates the growth of healthy hair.
8. Fill a sixteen-ounce trigger-spray bottle and spray bees or wasps to kill them.
9. Pour one-half cup vodka and one-half cup water in a Ziploc freezer bag and freeze for a slushy, refreshable ice pack for aches, pain or black eyes.
10. Fill a clean, used mayonnaise jar with freshly packed lavender flowers, fill the jar with vodka, seal the lid tightly and set in the sun for three days. Strain liquid through a coffee filter, then apply the tincture to aches and pains.
11. To relieve a fever, use a washcloth to rub vodka on your chest and back as a liniment.
12. To cure foot odor, wash your feet with vodka.
13 Vodka will disinfect and alleviate a jellyfish sting.
14. Pour vodka over an area affected with poison ivy to remove the urushiol oil from your skin.
15. Swish a shot of vodka over an aching tooth. Allow your gums to absorb some of the alcohol to numb the pain.
And silly me. I've only been drinking the stuff!!!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
So I invested in a couple albums... Securities Fraud Fail!
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Al Bowman, LA Music Awards Founder, Larry Cohn, Sony VP and Marino De Silva of Angels on Earth Foundation at the Ritz Carlton, Marina del Rey, CA |
So that's the latest of my ill-fated music investment venture. I'll post updates here as they develop. I'm so glad that I didn't push the friends I told to invest in this scam; I don't think I could have forgiven myself easily. I'm going to work on forgiving myself for throwing so much good money after bad. Marino DeSilva is a crook and I'm not all that impressed with his production capabilities or supposed talents. But that, is also my opinion.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Last Week was Columbus Day...
truth is: If Christopher Columbus were alive today, he would be put on
trial for crimes against humanity. Columbus' reign of terror, as
documented by noted historians, was so bloody, his legacy so
unspeakably cruel, that Columbus makes a modern villain like Saddam
Hussein look like a pale codfish.
Question: Why do we honor a man who, if he were alive today, would
almost certainly be sitting on Death Row awaiting execution?
If you'd like to know the true story about Christopher Columbus,
please read on. But I warn you, it's not for the faint of heart.
Here's the basics. On the second Monday in October each year, we
celebrate Columbus Day (this year, it's on October 11th). We teach our
school kids a cute little song that goes: "In 1492, Columbus sailed
the ocean blue." It's an American tradition, as American as pizza pie.
Or is it? Surprisingly, the true story of Christopher Columbus has
very little in common with the myth we all learned in school.
Columbus Day, as we know it in the United States, was invented by the
Knights of Columbus, a Catholic fraternal service organization. Back
in the 1930s, they were looking for a Catholic hero as a role-model
their kids could look up to. In 1934, as a result of lobbying by the
Knights of Columbus, Congress and President Franklin Roosevelt signed
Columbus Day into law as a federal holiday to honor this courageous
explorer. Or so we thought.
There are several problems with this. First of all, Columbus wasn't
the first European to discover America. As we all know, the Viking,
Leif Ericson probably founded a Norse village on Newfoundland some 500
years earlier. So, hat's off to Leif. But if you think about it, the
whole concept of discovering America is, well, arrogant. After all,
the Native Americans discovered North America about 14,000 years
before Columbus was even born! Surprisingly, DNA evidence now suggests
that courageous Polynesian adventurers sailed dugout canoes across the
Pacific and settled in South America long before the Vikings.
Second, Columbus wasn't a hero. When he set foot on that sandy beach
in the Bahamas on October 12, 1492, Columbus discovered that the
islands were inhabited by friendly, peaceful people called the
Lucayans, Taínos and Arawaks. Writing in his diary, Columbus said they
were a handsome, smart and kind people. He noted that the gentle
Arawaks were remarkable for their hospitality. "They offered to share
with anyone and when you ask for something, they never say no," he
said. The Arawaks had no weapons; their society had neither criminals,
prisons nor prisoners. They were so kind-hearted that Columbus noted
in his diary that on the day the Santa Maria was shipwrecked, the
Arawaks labored for hours to save his crew and cargo. The native
people were so honest that not one thing was missing.
Columbus was so impressed with the hard work of these gentle
islanders, that he immediately seized their land for Spain and
enslaved them to work in his brutal gold mines. Within only two years,
125,000 (half of the population) of the original natives on the island
were dead.
If I were a Native American, I would mark October 12, 1492, as a black
day on my calendar.
Shockingly, Columbus supervised the selling of native girls into
sexual slavery. Young girls of the ages 9 to 10 were the most desired
by his men. In 1500, Columbus casually wrote about it in his log. He
said: "A hundred castellanoes are as easily obtained for a woman as
for a farm, and it is very general and there are plenty of dealers who
go about looking for girls; those from nine to ten are now in demand."
He forced these peaceful natives work in his gold mines until they
died of exhaustion. If an "Indian" worker did not deliver his full
quota of gold dust by Columbus' deadline, soldiers would cut off the
man's hands and tie them around his neck to send a message. Slavery
was so intolerable for these sweet, gentle island people that at one
point, 100 of them committed mass suicide. Catholic law forbade the
enslavement of Christians, but Columbus solved this problem. He simply
refused to baptize the native people of Hispaniola.
On his second trip to the New World, Columbus brought cannons and
attack dogs. If a native resisted slavery, he would cut off a nose or
an ear. If slaves tried to escape, Columbus had them burned alive.
Other times, he sent attack dogs to hunt them down, and the dogs would
tear off the arms and legs of the screaming natives while they were
still alive. If the Spaniards ran short of meat to feed the dogs,
Arawak babies were killed for dog food.
Columbus' acts of cruelty were so unspeakable and so legendary - even
in his own day - that Governor Francisco De Bobadilla arrested
Columbus and his two brothers, slapped them into chains, and shipped
them off to Spain to answer for their crimes against the Arawaks. But
the King and Queen of Spain, their treasury filling up with gold,
pardoned Columbus and let him go free.
One of Columbus' men, Bartolome De Las Casas, was so mortified by
Columbus' brutal atrocities against the native peoples, that he quit
working for Columbus and became a Catholic priest. He described how
the Spaniards under Columbus' command cut off the legs of children who
ran from them, to test the sharpness of their blades. According to De
Las Casas, the men made bets as to who, with one sweep of his sword,
could cut a person in half. He says that Columbus' men poured people
full of boiling soap. In a single day, De Las Casas was an eye witness
as the Spanish soldiers dismembered, beheaded, or raped 3000 native
people. "Such inhumanities and barbarisms were committed in my sight
as no age can parallel," De Las Casas wrote. "My eyes have seen these
acts so foreign to human nature that now I tremble as I write."
De Las Casas spent the rest of his life trying to protect the helpless
native people. But after a while, there were no more natives to
protect. Experts generally agree that before 1492, the population on
the island of Hispaniola probably numbered above 3 million. Within 20
years of Spanish arrival, it was reduced to only 60,000. Within 50
years, not a single original native inhabitant could be found.
In 1516, Spanish historian Peter Martyr wrote: "... a ship without
compass, chart, or guide, but only following the trail of dead Indians
who had been thrown from the ships could find its way from the Bahamas
to Hispaniola."
Christopher Columbus derived most of his income from slavery, De Las
Casas noted. In fact, Columbus was the first slave trader in the
Americas. As the native slaves died off, they were replaced with black
slaves. Columbus' son became the first African slave trader in 1505.
Are you surprised you never learned about any of this in school? I am
too. Why do we have this extraordinary gap in our American ethos?
Columbus himself kept detailed diaries, as did some of his men
including De Las Casas and Michele de Cuneo. (If you don't believe me,
just Google the words Columbus, sex slave, and gold mine.)
Columbus' reign of terror is one of the darkest chapters in our
history. The REAL question is: Why do we celebrate a holiday in honor
of this man? (Take three deep breaths. If you're like me, your stomach
is heaving at this point. I'm sorry. Sometimes the truth hurts. That
said, I'd like to turn in a more positive direction.)